UGH! Even thinking about writing about this gives me high blood pressure...
I haven't updated the poo report in a while because really there has been no change. Kinz is still not pooping on the potty. We have at least migrated to using a pullup to poop. She is telling me when she needs it and when it needs to be changed. Otherwise, she is using the potty to pee. This includes school. It has been two weeks since she has had an accident there - of any kind. A major accomplishment for Ms. K as she had never even gone one week prior to this staying accident free at school.
So, rewind to Thursday morning. I am driving the kids to school and I compliment her on how well she has done at school staying clean and dry and if she can make it through Friday she'll receive a reward. We have loaded her with praise for the minor accomplishment she has had with this issue. To me, it feels like we are turning a corner. Is this going slow as hell? Oh yeah, painfully so. Being someone who worked at a childcare center in college, I know that kids can be fully potty trained by 2 and a half. But are they always?? No. I guess not.
So as I'm leaving my garage to pick them up - now keep in mind I live about 25 minutes away- my phone rings. It is the director who has called to tell me that Kinsley has had "a bad accident" I immediately think she is hurt and my silence prompts the director to add "....in her pants" So she is basically calling to tell me I need to come get her and change her myself. I'm okay with that. Its not her teacher's job to clean her butt - she's 3 1/2! And let me add, she HAS cleaned her butt...many, many times. So I start speeding to the school. My phone rings again. It's her teacher calling to tell me she did not poop her pants, she was gassy. So by this point I am pissed. I'm wondering why I get a call to tell me my to come get my kid who has had a "bad accident" and in reality, she has only just torn off some farts. Bad accident??? I was expecting diarrhea or something...
There is some background to my angst here, but long story short, there is already tension between the director and Kinsley. They don't get along well. It doesn't seem like they like each other. When the director called, she sounded frazzled. I could tell she was upset and angry that the situation had occurred yet again... She later told me she had a lot of major things going on that day. Don't we all...
When I get there, the director apologizes to me, I'm assuming for calling me to come down there. Though looking back, I don't know if she even knew she wasn't poopy. She asks me how things are going at home with the potty and I tell her there's really no change. She tells me at that point that she doesn't know what to do herself with Kinsley. She says that she has never encountered this situation before (or at least it hasn't gone on this long). She tells me that had she had it to do over again, she would have put Kinsley in the two year old room, where she should have been all along to be due to her age. She is 3 days behind the school cut off date. Come on. Nobody will ever be able to convince me of any scientific value to this stupid September 1st deadline. If this arbitrary date came only one month earlier, this would be a non issue. Only it is an issue, because of Kinsley's academic level - but that's another blog for another day.
So anyhow, she is telling me that socially, this would have been a better fit. By this point I am seething. I have NEVER been told of any social issues that Kinsley has had. I asked her what she meant by social issues and explain that I have never been made aware of any issues. She says, potty training is part of the social component. I ask her if she means developmentally instead of socially. She says, "well, yeah" Again, let me reiterate, I don't want to have a kid who poops herself daily...but I do. And we're dealing with it as best as we can. I have talked to my pediatrician many, many times and she has never communicated to me that there is a problem or that this is out of the realm of normal for Kinsley's age. In other words, not out of scope developmentally. I then realize that this change is solely for the convenience of the adults involved. Socially, academically, even developmentally, my child does not belong in a more rudimentary class. The director tells me that starting in the morning, she will be integrated into her new class. Oh, and this is two months before the end of the school year. All I can manage to say to her is that I need some time to think about it and whether or not thats something we want to do.
I can no longer hold back the flood of angry tears that have built up behind my eyes. A few tears squeak out as I try to compose myself knowing that I am on the serious edge of just bursting into tears or being totally okay. Oh how tears of anger burn. And that lump in my throat. I didn't have much to say back to her at this point. Knowing that I have just had a baby, I become suddenly aware that this is probably a lot more emotion fueled for me than it needs to be and I just need to collect myself. I go to the bathroom to take a few deep breaths and then realize, WTF?!? Kinsley has not even had an accident! In TWO WEEKS! Why are we making a change like this when we aren't in any different of a spot than we were yesterday when this was a non-issue. I went back to the director and asked her why we were doing this under the true circumstances. I told her it had been two weeks since any issues. She told me she didn't know that and hadn't talked to her teacher about what the rest of the week had looked like. I expressed that I wanted her to stay in her current class where she likes her teacher, her friends, and is comfortable with the flow of that class. She said that for now that was fine. More fuel on my fire. So you call me down here, my kids not poopy, and now you're tell me you're pulling her out of her class when you're so disconnected you don't even know she's stopped doing it?!?! There was a part of me that wanted to pull them both out immediately, but I would never do that to Gray.
When I came home and had an opportunity to talk to Seth about all this, I spoke to him about how I was perceiving it and wondered if I was over reacting to everything. Well what do you know, he saw it the exact same way. As a little unfair to Kinsley. As her parent, I would have liked the director to have approached it more positively. Something like: 'Sorry to have called you down here. We're so glad Kinsley wasn't dirty after all. And I didn't realize it had been two weeks since she's had an accident here at school. That's great! Maybe we are making some real progress!'
Instead, what I was met with was a much more negative approach. Quite honestly, there is NO benefit to moving her to a younger classroom. As a matter of fact, both Seth and I see it as more of a psychological harm to her to do something like that. It is the equivalent of being held back a year. If it comes down to that, she will be removed from the school by us. Oh, and blog followers will remember that we actually DID pull her out of school for a while because of this issue in effort to make a statement.
So Kinsley will not be returning to the school next year as originally planned. Its not even about cleaning the poop in the pants. I will still have to go clean her if she has an accident. They are absolutely right for not allowing the teacher to deal with it. However....If she is not going to be supported in her growth, and instead be seen as a hassle, it's not the right school for her. If the director fails to see how unique of a student Kinsley is (the kid is reading at 3 for crying out loud!!) she probably won't get the support she needs academically and therefore, its not the right school for her. I want my daughter to be supported and encouraged, in all aspects of her student career.
Don't worry baby girl, Mommy and Daddy are looking out for you. We'll protect you and we'll give you everything you need. Love you.
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