1 week ago today

Last Saturday morning started off pretty much like every other day.  I woke up when I heard Gray come in our room at 6:00.  Seth got up and got ready for work and the kids and I had our regular morning breakfast routine.  I had been having contractions pretty regularly but it wasn't really different than any of the other times I had been having them.  Fairly regular in timing, but not really severe or getting any stronger.  The only difference was that I was having a lot of pressure....like I needed to go to the bathroom, but never actually had to go.  I decided a few separate times to pay attention to the contractions and sat on the couch.  I never got to pay attention to 3 consecutive contractions.  I was pretty easy to distract.  Something with the kids, or I was playing on the ipad and forgot to notice how long it lasted...that kind of stuff.  For the most part I stayed unsure all day if this was real labor or just braxton hicks.  At a certain point I thought they were getting stronger, but I was starting to get anxious too and took several baths throughout the day as it helped me relax.  I kept wondering all day if I should call my doctor or not but I didn't want to be sent to the hospital only to be sent back home.

Long story short, around 4:00 I thought I should go to the hospital.  I scrambled to get a bag together for the kids and got them over to the neighbors.  I called my sister to let her know I was on the way to the hospital.  She asked me if she should call my mom and let her know.  "Nah" I told her... "just let me see what happens there."  Ha!  Famous last words.  Well, when I got there, I went to the admissions window and calmly sat down and filled out paperwork.  I walked back to the triage room (though at that point I was seriously bummed when the nurse came out without a wheelchair!)  Once in the triage room, they asked me to give them a urine sample.  I told the nurse I didn't think I could, but I would try.  I couldn't pee, but when I stood up I saw blood.  I was so glad I had come to the hospital.  I knew then that I needed to be there.  I really would have freaked out if that had happened at home.  They examined me and were shocked to find that I was already 8 to 9 cm dilated.  They had some frantic "nurse speak" about previous c section and to call the doctor to rush in.  Whoever was trying to start my I.V. must have been a nervous wreck.  I don't know what she did to my arm but it is completely black and blue.  At a certain point someone else had to take over on my other arm to get the fluids in.

By this point I feel something strange and called out "something's coming out!"  then with a huge gush I knew exactly what it was and told them my water broke.  Then I remember being told 4 unforgettable things.  First, there was no time to prep for the c-section I was supposed to have.  Second, I would deliver vaginally.  Third, there was no time to give me any sort of pain management aka I was going to have to deliver au natural!!  And finally, the best for last, my doctor was stuck in traffic.  I was freaking out.  Not in a shrieking, screaming, crazy lady thing you see in the movies, but I just could not believe this was happening.  I was seriously terrified.  How was I going to do this?  How long is it going to take?  Can I at least get some sort of pain spray??? Anything???  By this point, I am writhing on the bed gritting my teeth and grunting through the pain of what is happening.  They check me again and I am ready to go.  It isn't long before that that my body gives me an undeniable urge to push.  I mean there is no way to hold it back or hold it off for even a millisecond.  I tell them that I'm pushing.  Oh, and remember...my doctor is still not there yet...  All the staff in that room take me and literally run the hospital bed down the hallway to a labor and delivery room.  There they pry the sheets out of my white knuckles and redirect my hands to the grips on the bedside.  They tell me to just push as my body says to.  Honestly, though, there's really no way you can hold it back.  Then the face of an angel appears...my doctor!  I was so glad to see her.  She put on her gear and that was when I realized this was really happening.  There wasn't going to be any relief from the pain other than just getting this baby out.  I didn't have to push long before he was born.  My admit papers from the hospital are stamped at 5:14.  Lawson was born at 6:03.  Not even an hour later...  Obviously he was perfect.  I got my healthy baby and as my doctor checked to make sure the c section incision hadn't been compromised, I watched my newborn in his first moments of life...something I never got to experience with my other two as the c-section curtain blocks your view of everything.  Within an hour after that I was standing up and walking around feeling amazingly well considering all I had just been through.

I never in my life would have signed up for that kind of a birth, but you know what?  I'm so glad now that I did it.  It seemed so awful at the time because it wasn't what I expected and I was seriously afraid.  Afraid of the pain, afraid of my health, afraid of the health of my baby...  The worst of it looking back only lasted about an hour and it was sooo worth paying it forward on the pain.  Now, as I look at my 1 week old son, I feel better than I felt when I was at the end of the pregnancy.  I am functioning at a 99% back to myself level already.  I have very minimal pain and have been off any sort of painkiller for days now.  Of course I still have healing to do, but the degree of recovery between this birth and my 2 previous c sections is not even comparable.

I had a great experience... The doctor told me this was her first VBAC in 8 years.   It was amazing to me how it all worked out.  I learned a lot about myself and I can definitely say that bringing my child into this world in the way nature intended is my most prideful accomplishment.  I cannot BELIEVE that I did that.  And if I must say in a totally unbiased fashion, of course....I did pretty great!